Singular Perspective: He’s Just Not that Into You

he's just not that into youA few nights ago, I chose to spend a quiet evening at home with a cup of hot tea, microwave popcorn, a movie and my dog Barclay. In a moment of weakness I chose “He’s Just Not That Into You” as the movie du nuit. Of course I knew that by the end of the evening I was gonna be regretting it one way or another.

Not so much. I actually thought it was an almost good movie. Even though I started out not wanting to like the movie (it goes without saying that their depiction of marriage and divorce doesn’t parallel my views at all), the fact I liked it is the least shocking of the evenings realizations. This kinda sorta romantic comedy didn’t make me at all sad to be single! There was absolutely no reason to resort to listening to the ipod pity party playlist and cry myself to sleep.

There really weren’t many relationships to be jealous of in the first place.  And I promise you that is not the result of bitterness or judgement – ok, maybe a little judgement. You watch the movie and let me know if you think differently. My surprise revelation was that the movie actually left me hopeful. Hopeful that my choice to be single wasn’t necessarily the worst choice I could have made. I was also left feeling not just a little proud of myself when I realized that even after all this time, I still have hope to find a guy who one day might be really into me! The expectations of what happily ever after may look like one day have changed (mostly for the better) but I think the fact that I’m still hopeful is a victory all by itself!  However it turns out, it’ll be my very own happy ending.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you, he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. And someday, you’ll meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it . . . the third act twist. The unexpected declaration of love. The exception to the rule.

But sometimes, we’re so focused on finding our own happy ending we don’t learn to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t. The ones who’ll stay from the ones who’ll leave. And maybe this happy ending doesn’t include a wonderful guy. Maybe its you on your own picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this; knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts. through all the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarassment; you never ever gave up hope.   (From the motion picture “He’s Not That Into You”)

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