Some Wicked Awesome Evening

I’ve been trying to organize girls weekends away to see “Wicked” in a number of cities over the past few years . . . Chicago, Atlanta, San Francisco, Memphis.  The timing never worked.   I was so excited when I heard they were headed to Nashville and I was even more ecstatic when I saw they would be here for my birthday!  I am counting down the days till I can see it again.   I love this show so much, I might actually be unable to stop myself from bursting out in song during the show.   I know I will be singing it in my car daily from now till show time!

When I was living in NYC, the show was at it’s zenith.  The other girls in my office played the soundtrack all day long.  I knew every word before I got around to seeing the show.  Now that I think of it, it was the same way for me with The Wizard of Oz.  My Dad had the soundtrack album and I played it all the time so I knew every word to “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” before I ever saw the movie, on TV . . . back when they aired it once a year and that was your only shot at seeing it. . . but I digress.

I remember some early reviews of the musical said the songs weren’t memorable enough.  Academically, I get their point.  It’s not Sondheim, Lloyd Webber or Rogers/Hammerstein.   There certainly aren’t a lot of stand alone songs that work outside the context of the show for would be pageant queens to labor through in the “talent” portion of their competitions.   But I think critics sometimes forget that real people see the show through their own context and that isn’t usually one of analyzing every musical ever written.  They watch it through the context of their lives.  Wicked has something for everyone but if you are a girl who made it through Middle School, you know this show before you ever see it! You lived it…well, minus the witches, wizards and talking goat.  Come on girls, who can’t relate to lyrics like these:

What is this feeling, so sudden and new?
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you;
My pulse is rushing; My head is reeling;
My face is flushing; What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame, Does it have a name? Yes!
Loathing. Unadulterated loathing
For your face; your voice; your clothing;
Let’s just say – I loathe it all

When I see depressing creatures with unprepossessing features.
I remind them on their own behalf to think of
celebrated heads of state or especially great communicators.
Did they have brains or knowledge?  Don’t make me laugh!
They were popular.  Please, it’s all about popular.
It’s not about aptitude.  It’s the way you’re viewed.
So it’s very shrewd to be very, very popular like me.

Hands touch, eyes meet,
sudden silence, sudden heat
hearts leap in a giddy world.
He could be that boy,
but I’m not that girl
Don’t dream too far, don’t lose sight of who you are,
don’t remember that rush of joy.
He could be that boy,
I’m not that girl

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down!

Defying Gravity is the ultimate 1st act finale, so you can imagine it’s quite the show stopper.  Most people walk away remembering that moment.  But the song that still resonates with me most is “For Good.”

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you I have been changed for good.

Everytime I hear it, my heart brings to mind so many different people who have been in my life over the years and left a mark.  Some of those people were in my life for years and some for days or weeks but they all made an impact.  Thankfully most of the memories are of people who changed me for the better as a result of a positive experience.  But there are a few who changed me for the better from nothing more than teaching me a lesson I don’t want to repeat or showing me one to avoid!  Either way, I guess I am better for knowing them all.  The song also reminds me to consider what others might say about me.  If I am changing them for good, am I showing up in their lives in a way that also helps them change for the better?  I can certainly remember friendships and relationships where I missed that opportunity.

On September 3rd, when the curtain goes up on my next encounter with “Wicked”, I’m thankful that the women I’m going to be sitting with are some of the ones that week in and week out  laugh at me, cry with me, listen to me and counsel me.  They would probably only be moderately embarassed if I can’t control myself and I end up singing outloud right along with the show.  I did say only moderately embarassed, right?   I can definitely say because I know them, I have been changed for good . . . and for the better.  What a great way to celebrate my birthday!

My confused thoughts on healthcare reform (if anyone cares)

What I’m sure of:

1.  The health care system as it exists now doesn’t work efficiently or effectively for the benefit of all. I also concede that in the current insurance plans, there is already a nameless bureaucrat or a group of them deciding what medical procedures I’m allowed to get.

2.  The government is not the best at managing large services like this. I can’t think of a single federal government experience where you frequently feel like you’ve dealt with competent people who do an efficient job.  Also,  I am almost always torn between the belief that smaller government is better and the knowledge that there is no limit to the greed of those in power at large corporations.  I don’t believe profit and stock prices are so important that exploiting people, lying and cheating  is an acceptable means to an end.  So I concede that there will have to be some kind of government regulation or oversight because consumers who should be the ones who vote with their $$s in the free enterprise system can be lazy.  We don’t want to know what the ugly truth is as long as we can purchase what we want when we want it and get it cheaply.

3.  Costs are out of control. As a consumer of health care, you are not sure exactly what you are buying and how they come up with the rates they charge. The prescription drug business is also out of control.  I still don’t understand why they need to advertise nationally for very specific medicine (take schizophrenia medicine, for example)  if it’s not to justify their exorbitant pricing.  I understand that they invest significant $$ to create and test drugs so maybe their copyrights should last longer before generics can start production. I’m not against them making a reasonable profit.  (Don’t get me started on the whole FDA approval based on tests paid for by the pharm companies)

4.  It’s unrealistic for me to believe that less than $100 a month per person premium and a $20 copay for Dr’s visit or prescriptions should be my only health care obligations. I expect that a system that works will probably end up costing me more in some way.  I’m OK with that if we end up with a system that serves us all better.   While I don’t really believe health care is a ‘right’,  I don’t believe it should be a luxury and I am more than happy for my tax dollars to assist those who can’t work have access to great health care as well as those who work hard but health care is still out of their reach for a myriad of different reasons.

5.  Special interest groups have a louder voice than we do and our governing leaders (on both sides) are more self motivate than service motivated, consequently I don’t know who to trust or believe.

Just a few of the things  I’m unsure of:

1.  Where is the detailed study of the current system’s failures? Where are the worst inefficiencies and wastes?  What are the areas where insurance companies, hospitals, or doctors are exploiting the system to exponentially increase their profit?  Where are the opportunities for fraud by insurance companies, doctors or patients? Are there unnecessary obstacles in the current system that could be eliminated easily?  Do any of the plans on the table specifically address these issues and close the gaps?  If so, how?  I’ve tried to read the bill that is constantly referred to, I really have.  But I don’t understand the legal language or the references to changes to the existing laws or policies.  I haven’t heard anyone spell it out clearly with the sincere intent to inform.  I only hear them pouring gas on whichever side of the fire they are standing on.  I don’t believe that Congress really understands the problem so they can’t possibly really care about a good solution.  I believe that Congress NEEDS us to believe they are doing something but this is all just a political game NOT a sincere governing process.

2.  Is there a system that anyone can point to that shows us “this is the benchmark” or even this is as close to the benchmark that anyone has gotten? Or are we just grabbing random band aids to put on a critically injured patient?  That’s what it feels like when I hear the feeble attempts to explain this plan (that is really multiple plans).

3.  Other than hearing people say the public plan won’t put the current insurance companies out of business, I haven’t heard any actual evidence of that. I’m no fan of insurance companies.  I don’t believe they are benevolent benefactors for their customers anymore than I believe our Congressmen and women are benevolent governors BUT I don’t hear anyone saying that this plan could work without viable private insurance options.

4.  How are we going to pay for this indefinitely? I don’t buy the whole we’ll pay for 2/3 of it by eliminating current waste.  Really?  Because the government are professionals of identifying wasteful spending!  The current administration promised we’d be cutting other wasteful spending in government and I’ve seen very little cutting and a whole lot of new spending.  In my own personal budget, that doesn’t add up to a maintainable plan.  Of course, I can’t print my own money or call China for a loan.  Neither of those options are good long term fixes for our country or our economy as far as I can tell.

5.  Why the rush? It’s a huge problem. It needs a huge solution.  It’s going to take a deliberate and intentional process to fix it or build a new one.  The rush is a politically motivated strategy not a solution motivated strategy.  I don’t believe any plan is better than none.  The system doesn’t work well now but it could be a lot worse.

6.  Where are the Republicans? I haven’t seen any good alternative coming from them?  Politically, their best move is to stir up the fan base with inflammatory phrases like “death squad” and “government paid for abortion”, etc.  The dems should have been able to push this through because they control everything.  So, there is obviously a lack of consensus in their camp.  I suppose politically it makes sense for Republicans to sit back and watch the fall out.  BUT THAT ISN’T GOVERNING!  I’ve always been told if I’m going to point out a problem, I need to come with a solution.  Where is your solution?  Don’t think for one minute I am going to blindly follow you because the obnoxious conservative talking heads tell me I should.  I expect to see some leadership or I will be looking for other options come election time.  (yeah, I know . . . like they care.)

I wish I had a solution to offer.  I don’t. I don’t even understand all the questions and issues at play.    But I do know there needs to be real discussion of all the issues.  This needs to be a de-politicized conversation or it will never work. I don’t think the current environment around this discussion is going to offer that kind of opportunity.  So I ask again, why the rush?  Isn’t it better to get it right?

Singular Perspective: He’s Just Not that Into You

A few nights ago, I chose to spend a quiet evening at home with a cup of hot tea, microwave popcorn, a movie and my dog Barclay. In a moment of weakness I chose “He’s Just Not That Into You” as the movie du nuit. Of course I knew that by the end of the evening I was gonna be regretting it one way or another.

Not so much. I actually thought it was an almost good movie. Even though I started out not wanting to like the movie (it goes without saying that their depiction of marriage and divorce doesn’t parallel mine at all), the fact I liked it is the least shocking of the evenings realizations. This kinda sorta romantic comedy didn’t make me at all sad to be single! There was absolutely no reason to resort to listening to the ipod pity party playlist and cry myself to sleep.

There really weren’t many relationships to be jealous of in the first place.  And I promise you that is not the result of bitterness or judgement – ok, maybe a little judgement. You watch the movie and let me know if you think differently. My surprise revelation was that the movie actually left me hopeful. Hopeful that my choice to be single wasn’t necessarily the worst choice I could have made. I was also left feeling not just a little proud of myself when I realized that even after all this time, I still have hope to find a guy who one day might be really into me! The expectations of what happily ever after may look like one day have changed (mostly for the better) but I think the fact that I’m still hopeful is a victory all by itself!  However it turns out, it’ll be my very own happy ending.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you, he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. And someday, you’ll meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it . . . the third act twist. The unexpected declaration of love. The exception to the rule.

But sometimes, we’re so focused on finding our own happy ending we don’t learn to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t. The ones who’ll stay from the ones who’ll leave. And maybe this happy ending doesn’t include a wonderful guy. Maybe its you on your own picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this; knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts. through all the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarassment; you never ever gave up hope.   (From the motion picture “He’s Not That Into You”)